Waters of the Heart Read online

  The only woman they had been rather fond of was Mary, a rough diamond and one of the better ones, who had been with them for almost three months and had got her marching orders most recently. Her hair had been a deep red, and when Cissie had mentioned how blonde some of the others were, she had said, ‘They’d likely peroxided their hair, but me, I use henna. It’s more natural-looking.’

  Mary’s hair hadn’t looked natural either, Cissie thought, but at least the woman hadn’t let her do a hand’s turn, and now she was having to do everything herself again.

  Scrubbing the back lobby one morning, Cissie wondered why Tommy had been looking so pleased with himself lately. Ever since Mary left, he’d looked like a cat that had been at the cream. She still missed Mary at times, but hadn’t been too upset about having to stay at home – she’d been due to leave school in a few weeks anyway – Pat and Rosie, however, had moped for days and Marie had been unusually quiet. Worse still, Da was continually in a bad temper, and when he was angry, the whole family had to suffer. He’d skelped Pat’s ear the day before yesterday for having wet shoes though it had been pouring rain the whole day, and he’d given Joe a thump on the back for sniggering. Things couldn’t continue like this; she would have to ask Tommy what was going on. Fifteen now, he was working with a grain company at the harbour, almost next door to Waterloo Goods Station where their father worked, but he usually came home long before Da, and she’d surely manage to get him on his own.

  At quarter past six, Cissie went out to the lavatory, and on her way back looked out on to the street to see if Tommy was coming. By good luck – or good timing – he was turning into Schoolhill out of St Nicholas Street and she waited in the front lobby for him. ‘Had you anything to do with Mary going away?’ she asked, coming straight to the point in case her father had decided to come straight home for a change.

  Tommy puffed out his chest. ‘Aye, I told Da I’d seen her going on a boat with a sailor one afternoon.’

  Unwilling to believe this of Mary, Cissie said, a little accusingly, ‘Did you really see her with a sailor?’

  He laughed derisively. ‘No, but Da believed me and that’s what they fell out about. I said I’d get even with him for thrashing my bare backside that day.’

  ‘But that was years ago.’

  ‘It’s something I’ll never forget, and he’ll not thrash me again. If he tries, I’ll knock him flat on his back.’

  ‘Oh, Tommy, could you not have let things be?’

  ‘No, I couldn’t, and if he takes home any more of his whores I’ll get rid of them too. I just wish I’d thought of it when he took the first one home, for he shouldn’t try to put anybody in Mam’s place.’

  Understanding now why he had never taken to any of the women, Cissie said no more and they went up to the house, where there was a heated discussion going on.

  ‘I know boys’ feet are bigger than girls’ feet,’ Joe was saying, ‘but that’s because we’ve got bigger everything – bigger hearts, bigger legs, bigger hands, and . . .’

  ‘Bigger mouths,’ put in Rosie.

  ‘And bigger brains,’ Joe finished, triumphantly.

  ‘Bigger heads, anyway,’ Marie scoffed, ‘but nothing much inside them.’

  Nine-year-old Pat, feeling left out, made his own gleeful contribution. ‘And I bet boys’ve got bigger willies than girls, and all.’

  Unable to argue with this, his brothers and sisters were doubled up with laughter when Big Tam came in. ‘What’s so damned funny?’ he demanded, but found it highly amusing, too, when they told him. Cissie dished up the supper and they all sat down, Pat still seething with resentment at being laughed at.

  When they were supping their prunes and custard, Tam looked at Cissie. ‘I’ll be going out again tonight.’

  This did not surprise her, for he had gone out every night since Mary left. ‘Will you be late back?’

  ‘No, and I’ll maybe take somebody back with me, so I’d be obliged if you and Tommy went to your beds at the same time as the young ones.’

  Before Cissie could prevent him, Tommy said, ‘I suppose she’s another whore?’

  Tam stood up aggressively. ‘Shut your filthy mouth!’

  ‘I’m just speaking the truth,’ his son said, quietly. ‘You’re the only filthy one in this house.’

  Tam’s hands went to his belt buckle. ‘That’s it! You’ve been asking for it for ages. Take down your breeks!’

  ‘Take down your own breeks!’ Tommy shouted, taking up a boxer’s stance. ‘I’m not a bairn now, and I’m not frightened of you any longer.’

  ‘Da! Tommy!’ Cissie pleaded. ‘Stop it! You’re carrying on like two fools in front of the little ones.’

  The ‘little ones’ had been lapping it up, amazed at Tommy’s bravado and wondering which of the protagonists would come off best, but their sister’s words made them drop their eyes, and Tam turned abruptly from the table. ‘I’ll be back about nine, Cissie. And if your big brother’s still in this house, I’ll throw him down the stairs.’ He stamped to the door and slammed it behind him, ignoring Cissie’s cries of ‘Oh, Da! Please!’

  Tommy gave a bitter forced laugh. ‘I was leaving anyway. I’ve been thinking of signing on a trawler to get away from him, for he just makes me sick with his women, and I can get a bed for a few nights from one of the storemen that works with me. His son got married a week ago.’

  ‘Oh, Tommy, I don’t want you to go.’

  ‘He doesn’t want me here, and I’ll not stay where I’m not wanted. Don’t worry, I can look out for myself.’

  Tommy marched through to his room and emerged about three minutes later carrying a small bundle of clothes under his arm. ‘I’m off now, Cissie.’

  She saw that it was useless to argue. ‘Will you write?’

  ‘I’d better not.’ He looked at her with smouldering eyes. ‘I’ll get even with Da for this as well, I swear, supposing I’ve to wait till his hair’s pure white.’

  There was a hushed silence after the door slammed again, but at last Cissie stood up. ‘Rosie and Marie, you do the dishes, and Pat and Joe, get ready for your bed.’

  ‘Where are you going?’ Rosie asked tearfully.

  ‘I’m going to have a word with the Humphy. I’ll not be very long.’ Cissie went out, but paused on the landing outside to gather her thoughts. Was this the trouble that Jim Robertson had foreseen after her mother died? He could do nothing about it, but she had to tell somebody. Lifting her shoulders resolutely, she carried on down the stairs, gave a light tap on the Robertsons’ door and went in when a voice called, ‘It’s open.’

  Sitting at the fireside with his boots off, Jim’s jaded eyes lit up when he saw her, and his mother turned from the sink. ‘What’s up wi’ you, lass?’ she asked. ‘You’ve a face on you as long as the day and the morrow.’

  Cissie told them what had happened, then burst out, ‘And Tommy’s gone away, and he’s going to sign on a trawler, and I don’t know what Da’ll say when he comes home.’

  Jim’s lined face relaxed into a reassuring smile. ‘He wanted Tommy out, so what can he say?’

  ‘Jim’s right.’ Aggie took a dishtowel out of the press and started to dry the plates she had washed. ‘And you’ve no need to worry about Tommy, for the trawlermen’ll look after him. They’re good like that.’

  ‘Da’s taking another woman home tonight, and it’s a shame for Rosie and Pat.’

  Aggie frowned. ‘She’ll maybe not bide, but if she does, you’ll need to put up wi’ her, the same as you’d to put up wi’ the rest o’ them. Your Da can’t do without a woman, and if he can only get one off the streets, well, there’s some of them have good enough hearts. They’ve come down in the world, that’s all, and letting men pick them up’s the only road they can make money.’

  ‘Tommy said they were whores.’

  ‘Aye, that’s what they are, whores, but it’s just a job like any other to them. Now, get up the stairs to your brothers and sisters. They depend on you, f
or you’re the only steady body they’ve got.’

  When Cissie trailed out, Jim said, ‘I’m sorry for that poor lassie having Big Tam for a father. Surely he’s had enough of women.’

  ‘Some men never get enough.’ Aggie hesitated, then said, ‘Jim, do you never – you’re near fifty and you’ve never bothered wi’ lassies, maybe you’re not like other men?’

  His eyes regarded her sadly. ‘I’m the same as other men, Ma, except for my back.’

  ‘But your back wasn’t always bowed.’

  ‘Nobody round here now would remember me when I was young and straight, and what kind of woman would want to get into bed with a humph-back?’

  Aggie shook her head, her heart too full of pity for her son to say anything. She was seventy-three now and she’d had a few queer turns lately, and what would happen to Jim when she passed on? He was that bent he sometimes couldn’t rise in the mornings without her giving him a hand up. If only he had a wife to look after him, she could die happy. But like he said, who would take him?

  When Big Tam led the woman into the empty kitchen, he said, ‘Wait till I see if Tommy’s still here.’ Tiptoeing into the small lobby, he eased the boys’ bedroom door open and peeped inside. ‘Good! He’s away. He’s a troublemaker, that laddie, even if he is my son, for it’s none of his business who I take into my house.’

  ‘There’s been other women before me, then?’

  ‘Some, and it was through Tommy the last one left, though I was maybe a fool to believe what he said.’

  Cissie, still shedding tears for her eldest brother, heard the usual sounds of her Da’s pleasure, and burrowed her head into her pillow. She didn’t know if this whore would be any better or worse than the rest, but for better or worse she was here to stay – until Big Tam fell out with her.

  In the morning, she waited until she heard her father going out before she went through to the kitchen, and was relieved to find that the woman at the gas stove was quite different from any of the others. She was younger and her dark hair was piled neatly on top of her head. Her face had no powder or rouge on it, and it was smooth and unlined, not papery and wrinkled like most of her predecessors. Her dark skirt and pale blue blouse were well worn but modest, and spotlessly clean. ‘You’ll be Cissie?’ she smiled. ‘My name’s Phoebe – Phoebe Garden.’

  ‘Phoebe?’ It was a strange name, but the girl was glad to see that the table was set and the porridge made.

  ‘My mother saw it in a book,’ the woman explained. ‘She thought it was pronounced Fobe, but the minister corrected her when I was christened.’ Her bright eyes dimmed a little. ‘Your father was pleased your brother was away, but you must be very sad about it.’

  ‘Yes, I am. He’s going to sign on a boat, but he’s never been away from home before, and I’m . . .’ She broke off, not trusting herself to say anything more without crying.

  Coming round the table, Phoebe placed an arm round the girl’s shoulders. ‘I’m sure he’ll be all right.’

  The lilting accent, so like Mam’s, and the comfort of the soft body made Cissie want to bury her head on Phoebe’s bosom, but she didn’t give in to the weakness. There were still her younger brothers and sisters to see to.

  When all the bustle was past and they were alone again, Phoebe said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, Cissie, but your Da asked me to come and live here with you.’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with me, but I don’t mind. The only thing is, I’m fourteen now and I’m not at school. We’ll likely get in each other’s road all day.’

  ‘Just what I was thinking. Maybe you should look for a job, for you don’t want to end up like me.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Phoebe looked embarrassed. ‘I was born in the Black Isle of very religious parents, and when I was sixteen my father found me in one of his outhouses with a lad. We were only kissing and cuddling, but Father accused me of going against the teachings of the Bible by fornicating, and threw me out. I went to Inverness, but I’d never had to work before and I wasn’t trained for anything, so I’d to go into service. I didn’t like it, but I stuck it for about eight years, then I thought there must be more to life than that. I wanted to find a husband, have a family . . .’

  ‘Have you been married, then?’ Cissie interrupted, sure that dozens of men must have fallen in love with this woman, she was so attractive.

  Phoebe’s lovely blue eyes clouded even more. ‘I never met anyone I liked as much as Andrew, and I felt I’d soon be too old for love, so I came to Aberdeen, determined to make a fortune if I couldn’t get a husband. I didn’t find a husband and I didn’t make a fortune because I couldn’t get a proper job. I was ready to go back into service when I met a man who told me he was looking for a housekeeper, so I said I’d take it on.’ She gave a dry, rueful laugh. ‘It wasn’t just a housekeeper he wanted, it was more a bed companion, but I was so grateful for getting a decent place to live, I kept his house for him and slept with him till he tired of me.’

  ‘Oh, Phoebe,’ Cissie gasped. ‘Did he put you out?’

  The woman shrugged. ‘I’ve been through it lots of times since, and I even started going into bars looking for a man for the night, for I discovered I could make more money that way. The thing is, I’m thirty now, and I’ll soon lose my looks, so when your Da asked me to come and look after his children, I jumped at the chance.’

  ‘But it’ll be the same here. Da’ll want you to sleep with him and he’ll put you out when he feels like it.’ Cissie did not want this nice woman to be under any misconceptions.

  ‘I know, and I’m quite willing. I like your Da, Cissie, he reminds me a bit of Andrew, though he’s a lot older.’

  ‘Did you not mind . . . taking up with a lot of men?’

  ‘Sometimes I didn’t mind, and sometimes it was all I could do to let them get what they wanted, for they – no, no, you don’t want to hear about that. But I’d like to have one man, somebody to care for me, to look after me for a change.’

  Cissie felt drawn to her. She was really nice, and it would be almost as good as having Mam again if she were to live with them. ‘I like you, Phoebe,’ she murmured, self-consciously.

  ‘And I like you, but go and find yourself a job, then if your Da ever puts you out, you’ll be able to keep yourself.’

  Before she left the tenement, Cissie called on Aggie, who listened, rather bemused, to what Phoebe had said. ‘She sounds real nice, and if your Da likes her, he’ll maybe wed her come time.’

  ‘I hope he does,’ Cissie breathed, ‘but I’ll have to find a job whatever happens, and I don’t know where to look.’

  ‘I could maybe help you. You know that wee dairy round the corner? Miss Birnie was telling me yesterday her assistant’s leaving on Friday to get married. Go and ask her if she’s got anybody else yet, and tell her it was me that sent you.’

  ‘Oh, thank you, Aggie. I’ll go right away.’

  Cissie hurried down Schoolhill and turned left into George Street. Miss Birnie had been very pleasant to her any time she’d been in the little dairy, but working for her might be a different story. Still, it would be a job, if she was lucky and no one else had been taken on.

  Ten minutes later, she opened the Robertsons’ door and yelled, ‘I got it, Aggie,’ then raced up the next flight of stairs, startling Phoebe when she burst in. ‘I start on Saturday morning at the dairy round the corner. Seven to half past four, for five bob a week.’

  ‘Five bob? That’s good. I don’t suppose your Da paid you anything for all the work you did in the house?

  ‘No, but I wonder what he’ll say about me taking a job?’

  ‘He should be pleased.’

  When Tam was told, he frowned a little, but Phoebe stepped in before he could say anything. ‘Cissie’s a big girl now. She needs money to buy personal things, and she’ll be able to pay something for her keep.’

  In the face of Phoebe’s calm logic and Cissie’s obvious excitement, he had to make the best of it. ‘Och,
I suppose she should be working. She’ll be fifteen next birthday.’

  Cissie’s excitement increased when Phoebe suggested that she should hand over three shillings every week for her board. It meant that she would have two shillings to herself – twenty-four whole pence!

  Having settled the household finances to the satisfaction of everyone concerned, Phoebe turned to Big Tam. ‘Cissie was saying Tommy’s to be signing on a trawler, so you won’t have to worry about him.’

  The man just grunted, but Joe’s head jerked up. ‘I’d like to sign on a boat when I leave school. I love the sea.’

  ‘You can please yourself,’ Big Tam said, as if he didn’t care one way or the other, ‘though I’ve no quarrel with you. You’ll be leaving school at Easter, and it’s up to you what kind of job you take.’

  The leaves on the trees in St Nicholas Kirkyard had turned varying shades of red and gold – it was the season Cissie liked best because it fascinated her to see the beautiful autumn colours – and Phoebe Garden was still in the flat in Schoolhill, after nearly three months. Even Marie, who was envious of her lovely wavy hair, said that Phoebe was far nicer than any of their father’s other women. She was always in the same happy mood, advising Rosie how to use her hairbrush so that the tangled curls didn’t pull at her scalp, showing Marie the best way to put in her rags to have ringlets that stayed in all day, pinning up Cissie’s golden-brown hair in the most becoming manner. She laughed as she stitched Pat’s torn trousers, smiled while darning the elbows of Joe’s jerseys, and sewed buttons galore on to shirts that had been hauled over heads still fastened.

  Cissie often asked God in her prayers to let Phoebe Garden stay with them for ever, for her father was a different man nowadays, content to sit at home in the evenings and talk to his family. It was easy to see that he liked Phoebe, maybe even loved her, for his voice softened when he spoke to her, his eyes followed her as she moved around. He had stopped going to the pub before he came home from work, and his face was losing its blotchy redness.